Here I am again, Tuppence, the sweet and adorable pussycat of Goodwriters. I know that I came here as a part-time assistant pen restorer but I think there must be some changes around here. I see things as time goes by and I am forced to draw certain conclusions.

Time is not well used in this business. A little more efficiency in work is required; the application of some time and motion study. After all, I need fed (frequently) and stroked and scritched. These essentials are going undone while there are far too many interruptions to the efficient flow of work for cups of coffee, telephone conversations and feeding those pesky birds. Some of those things could be done more briskly, others could be eliminated entirely to allow for more scritch time.

Also, I should be properly fed here. Because I’m technically not the Goodwriters cat but “belong” to Joycie a couple of windows along, these humans make it a point of honour not to feed me – or at least not give me tins of cat food. They do give me an occasional slice of corned beef or saucer of tuna but really! Come on! That’s not enough for a busy cat and I can’t always be trotting home.

How difficult would it be to get some cat food for me? Also, there’s the question of sleeping arrangements. I’m sent home around 8 o’clock at night. That’s all very well but sometimes my daughter Karen is there and she bullies me. Who would have kids! I did once get to stay here all night when it was very stormy. The humans were not happy that I was scratching around all night. Cats are nocturnal! What did they expect?

All in all, changes need to be made. I’m sure that when they get the message the humans will be reasonable about all this. It’s common sense after all, isn’t it?