Assistant Smartie says, “Hello,
There are new pens for sale, you know.
My human says she did it all
Which is unmitigated gall!
I work until my paws are sore,
And yet she constantly wants more!
She never gives me ANY treats;
No crunchies, mice or any sweets.
Ungrateful human, oh the shame!
The way she constantly lays blame
On poor old me, as if I’d ever
Chase pens under the chairs – no, never!
It’s not MY fault she has to crawl
When pens – all on their own – do fall
Onto the floor, landing just there…
It was some OTHER cat, I swear!
I am offended, greatly so;
In fact, I think it’s time to go.
I need some sleep, can’t take the strain,
My human is just such a pain!
If you go look at her website
And buy some pens this very night,
Perhaps I’ll get some peace and rest;
You’ll like my pens – they are the best.
That’s right – MY pens – ’cause I’m the one
Who works so hard and has no fun
While she takes credit for each sale.
It really is beyond the pale.
I’m never petted, stroked or spoiled
No matter how much I have toiled.
I’m starved! She only feeds me twice
An hour, sometimes more – not nice!
She only lets me in and out,
Three dozen times a day, that lout!
I’m telling you, my life is fraught,
It’s so unfair, I’m overwrought.
I’m feeling faint, I need my bed
So I can rest my tired head.
Perhaps she’ll feed me some small scrap
Before I take a little nap.
That Deb says I’m a drama queen
But I say that she’s very mean.
Oh, woe! The life of one wee cat
Who wears a Pen Assistant’s hat!”